Cause you know I love the players, and you love the game, which is the sad reality of the modern male species, adept at pledging a lifetime of fidelity and soul-crushing loyalty to a drumroll, please ‘football club’. Yet ask the same man-child to channel even an iota of that commitment and devotion into a relationship, and watch him run for the hills.
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Last week, Arsenal broke a 22-year-long curse to lift the Premier League trophy, and let’s say the internet has been an entertaining place to be since then. Of course, congratulations to all the Gunners out there—North London forever! (I’m happy for you or whatever.) But let’s talk about the way men are reacting to this victory. I’ve seen them crying in public, writing entire op-eds in their captions, and I even saw one man stare silently at the television with tears rolling down his face while his friend rubbed his back as if he had just witnessed something otherworldly.
Naturally, the women of the Internet have swiftly picked up on this. “This man has never looked at me with this much passion,” and variations of the like have emerged, from both tired girlfriends and wives alike. Some spouses are even noting that their husbands cried harder watching Arsenal win than they did at their wedding day. And honestly, I get why women are so appalled. Because where has this dedication, this indispensable loyalty, this lifelong desire to commit, been all along?
@sabrinalmccall I wish this was scripted I really do @arsenal he’s ur biggest fan @Jacob #arsenal #arsenalfc #football #soccer #championsleague ♬ The Angel (North London Forever) – Louis Dunford
I read somewhere that men never forget their first love. Unfortunately ladies, for some of us, this might mean a football club. Somewhere, in the back of every testosterone-fuelled mind, there are 11 guys in matching red jerseys kicking a ball around, who have always come first, and might matter most to them.
It is a practice reinforced by rom-coms and conversations traded between friends. Recall Andie’s tactic from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: to piss Ben off, she sabotaged his plan of peacefully watching the NBA finals at home, dragging him away to a vegan restaurant, purposely staging a public meltdown while he desperately tried to watch the game. She hit him where it hurts most, because in a man’s world, there’s no crime bigger than interrupting his perfectly laid out plans to watch his favourite team play.
A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend after finding out he had cheated on her and hidden it for months. They had been together for over a year. She was there for him through the strain of stressful examinations, family issues, and, yes, even on match days when his beloved cricket team lost miserably. The very same man, on the other hand, has directed his unwavering loyalty to Royal Challengers Bengaluru his entire life and never switched sides. Never even thought of supporting another team. When RCB finally won for the first time, he bawled his eyes out.
That unyielding faithfulness? Nowhere to be found when it came to his romantic relationship. So why, you ask, is the men loneliness epidemic completely understandable? Are women’s standards too high? Surely not. If this proves anything, it’s that a man’s loyalty certainly exists. It doesn’t even cost much. Yet for some reason, it is never channelled in the right places.
Perhaps, the difference lies in the lack of expectations. Like a fan with their idol, the sports fandom feels safe and non-committal. Liverpool will never ask them to communicate better. An IPL team isn’t going to question why they never reply to texts. Arsenal may break their heart every season, but at least they won’t ask where the relationship is going.
Of course, we are, in no way, excusing any infidelity on a woman’s part. Yet for centuries, women have been largely expected to nurture and be the emotional backer of relationships. Men, on the other hand, are often encouraged to chase novelty while simultaneously expecting stability from their partners. It creates an imbalance where women are asked to hold emotional space for men who have not quite learned how to reciprocate it fully. We’ll never go as far as to deem toxic masculinity as a blanket excuse, but perhaps, they share the same seed which compels men to be less emotional and less expressive with their loved ones. We can joke all we want, but these deep-seated values take time to unwork—and it begins when these men are boys.
Surely Martin Ødegaard and Virat Kohli aren’t the problem, but men, if you’re reading this: we’ll beseech you, there’s probably a woman in your life who’ll probably appreciate some of your time right now.
