From ‘brat summer’ to the ‘clean-girl aesthetic’, there’s no denying that today’s cultural zeitgeist is all about extremes. One minute, it’s ‘indie sleaze’ throwbacks and ‘messy girl’ mood boards; the next, it’s ‘that girl’ morning routines and encouragement to ‘lock in’ on our health goals. Trivial-seeming, sure—but in fact, these digital archetypes reflect a deeper tug of war between hedonism and health. At no time does this duality play out more than during the holiday season and on the brink of a new year. For some of us, this period of time is a sign to let loose and embrace indulgence with open arms. Meanwhile, others practise restraint by way of clean eating and goal-setting sessions. Between the two, it’s easy to find yourself feeling quietly torn: to go all out or to exercise an iron will?
The limit does not exist… or does it?
With this in mind, Vogue Singapore reached out to Stephanie Chan, a clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, for her advice on approaching the pressure to indulge. Chan’s key takeaway? “Know your limits and plan ahead to respect them. Rather than having a black or white approach, feeling like you have to commit to a ‘clean girl’ or ‘party girl’ camp, give yourself the space to move flexibly within your chosen boundaries,” she advises.
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This can look like identifying the situations that are ‘high risk’ to you. From environments that leave you feeling drained to friends who disregard your boundaries, “ask yourself practical before-and-after questions”, recommends Chan. If you exceed a certain number of drinks, will you feel safe getting home on your own? How might you feel the next day if you stay out past a certain time? “I want to highlight that this isn’t about policing yourself,” says Chan. Rather, “it’s about having compassion for your future self. After all, everyone has different limits. The goal isn’t to adopt someone else’s, but to figure out what balance means to you.”
Whether that looks like setting a drink limit before heading out or making time for sufficient sleep around your social calendar, “planning ahead helps you to stay aligned and true to your own values, even in the midst of the festive chaos”.
For the social butterflies
Of course, overindulgence can be broader than we imagine. The social overload of this period of time can also stretch emotional limits. “During this time, a common pressure is the sheer frequency of social gatherings and the kinds of conversations that tend to unfold at them,” Chan points out. “Often, these are reunions with people you haven’t seen in months, such as extended family, friends or old classmates.”
Naturally, people are in the mood to catch up and topics from your relationship status to career plans can easily feel too probing. If this is a source of stress, Chan again advocates for a boundary-based approach. “What topics are you willing to discuss and with whom? Which ones might feel too personal, raw or vulnerable? Once you have clarity on your own boundaries, the next step is learning how to communicate them kindly but firmly.”
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This may look like practising a simple script—“I’m still figuring that out, but I’d love to hear how you’ve been”—which can redirect energy without awkwardness. It’s not avoidance, Chan emphasises, but self-protection. “This strategy can help to give you a sense of agency and protection over your emotional well-being, especially at this time of year that can feel demanding.”
Even with the best boundaries in place, festive energy can still slip into overload. Chan recommends setting “mini challenges” to help you stay grounded and intentional through an event—for example, challenging yourself to have a meaningful conversation with at least two people or staying off your phone for the first half an hour. And when overwhelm hits, self-regulation is key. “For some, this might look like taking slow and deep breaths or excusing yourself to go somewhere more quiet for a few minutes,” Chan suggests. Another valuable mindfulness exercise is grounding through the five senses: pausing and intentionally noticing what you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. “These techniques help to physically regulate your nervous system,” she elaborates.
The middle road
As we begin a new year, it’s also important to extend a balanced and self-forgiving mindset to your reflections on the months that have just gone past. Reflection may invite an onslaught of ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves’, but Chan urges an attitude that’s both honest and kind to yourself.
“Approach your year-end reflections through a lens of gratitude and self-compassion,” Chan invites. Consider what you’re proud of, grateful for and what challenged you as well as what you learnt from it. “Celebrating wins, both big and small, shifts the perspective from self-criticism to self-respect.” It’s also an opportunity to reflect on any goals set for the past year and whether these could be recalibrated for a more realistic momentum. Ultimately, any ‘hedonism versus health’ debate shouldn’t be about choosing sides. After all, perfectionism is often a futile pursuit.
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“A gentler, growth-focused approach to reflecting and planning helps to lighten the pressure upon you,” smiles Chan. “It’s adopting this mindset that will shift your focus towards a more grounded and hopeful way forward.”
This story appears in Vogue Singapore’s December ‘Beguiling’ issue, available online.
