“But I want to find love organically—” Girl, let’s be real. In this century, there’s no shortage of ways to get yourself cuffed. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Raya (for those who prefer a more curated crowd) and the list goes on. And yet, despite this well-stocked arsenal, many of us (myself included) admit to holding back. Maybe hopping on a dating app feels like auctioning yourself off. Maybe the pool of candidates feels recycled (especially if you’re in a smaller city). Or maybe you just can’t stomach asking “What’s your favourite colour?” for the fifty-seventh time. Whatever the reason, it’s valid.
Yes, plenty of people have found success swiping and matching. But if we’re honest, the zeitgeist feels clear: dating apps are a little past their prime. The novelty has worn off. The small talk is exhausting. And increasingly, people are saying they want to meet someone organically—in real life, through mutuals, in spaces that feels less transactional.
Well, maybe the answer is backwards. From A24’s Materialists to Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking, there seems to be a growing appetite for a more human, traditional approach. Where algorithms stumble, humans succeed in finding compatibility in ways code simply can’t. And who better to play Cupid than your own friends?
To get the full lowdown, I spoke to a professional matchmaker behind the TikTok user One Percent Better, known endearingly as Baji. According to her, matchmaking is all about nuance. On a dating app, someone might swipe left over a throwaway line in a bio or a slightly unflattering photo. But a good matchmaker can catch inconsistencies and assess whether something is truly a deal-breaker or simply a misunderstanding. They can gauge tone, responsiveness and, crucially, they have context.
Sometimes, the most modern path to love is simply letting someone guide you back to basics. So, if you’re tired of dating apps and chaotic blind dates, here’s how to get your friends to matchmake you properly.
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Back to basics
Before your friends start drafting a shortlist, Baji insists you need to nail down the fundamentals. Realistically, not everyone can marry a 6’4, wealthy, devastatingly handsome man who isn’t on social media and is fully emotionally available. Though this doesn’t mean you have to settle, it’s more about finding an alignment. What do you bring to the table, and does that realistically match what you’re asking for? Perhaps we can be content with 6’1.
More seriously, she emphasises the importance of having “a grasp of reality and what real matches will look like”, even if that picture differs slightly from what you initially envisioned. You may be able to get one non-negotiable, but perhaps not all five. Love, like most worthwhile things, involves give and take. The key is knowing what you absolutely cannot compromise on, and what is simply aesthetic preference masquerading as destiny.
Beyond your “type”
A strong starting point is abandoning the tired “What’s your type?” question. While it is a fair one, it rarely reveals genuine compatibility. Height, job titles and star signs tell you very little about how someone handles conflict or whether they want children. Instead, Baji suggests focusing on what truly matters. “What is most important to you in a partner? What does partnership look like to you?” These questions cut through the aesthetic and head straight to values and emotional needs, elements that can truly sustain a relationship.
Understanding the details
A key information to find out about single friends before trying to set them up, she offers, is whether or nor they’re really, truly open to being matched? There is little point setting someone up if they are only half-invested because they can add up being “wishy-washy” about it later. Matchmaking works best when both parties are intentional. Once that is established, it is important to clarify their “must-haves” and non-negotiables, such as whether they want children, where they see themselves living long-term or how they approach faith and family. Only after these fundamentals are clear should you entertain the “nice-to-haves”, those qualities that would be lovely but are not essential.
It is equally important to understand past patterns. Where have previous relationships broken down? Do they consistently gravitate towards emotionally unavailable partners? Do they struggle with communication or avoidance? By identifying recurring pain points, you reduce the likelihood of history repeating itself.
Avoid superficiality
Baji adds, one of the biggest mistakes amateur Cupids make is matching friends based on surface-level similarities. They both like coffee. They both work in tech. They both like to hike. On paper, it sounds promising. In reality, shared demographics do not guarantee shared values or relational goals. A thoughtful match considers how two people express affection and navigate disagreement, not just whether they look good side by side in a group photo.
Red flags to look out for
Baji also warns against ignoring red flags in the excitement of playing matchmaker. Someone who does not listen properly, who interrupts or fails to ask questions, is signalling more than nerves. The way a person treats others, particularly those they have no romantic interest in, speaks volumes about character. An inability to engage in meaningful conversation can also suggest a lack of emotional depth, and micro-aggressions—whether dismissive jokes, subtle digs or patronising expressions—should never be brushed aside as banter. Attraction is lovely, but character is essential.
Happily ever after
In the end, the best matches are not defined by aesthetics or even shared interests, but by mutual care. As Baji puts it, the strongest partnerships are “two people who genuinely care about the other person’s happiness and do things for each other not because they have to but because they want to.” Strong pairings, she explains, are made up of “people who try to pick up where the other person leaves off instead of keeping score or drawing hard lines.”
And so perhaps the love of your life isn’t lurking on an app at all, but is actually your colleague’s primary school friend, one degree of separation away. Perhaps they are already in your life, waiting for someone bold enough to make the introduction. Take the leap. Let your friends do what they do best: meddle. And who knows? That might just be the modern meet-cute we’ve been pretending we don’t want all along.
