“32 in the suburbs is 45 and 32 in the city is 22. I can’t explain it but I’m right.”
Some iteration of this amusing—if generalised and somewhat offensive—pop psychology theorem appears on my social media feeds every other month. Though trivial, it’s also a viewpoint I can’t help but collect evidence for while traversing my 20s. You see, my life is a tale of two cities. At home in suburban Melbourne, my close-knit circle of childhood friends appears to be ticking off the milestones of traditional adulthood with alarming speed: marriages, mortgages, and lately, children. Yet in faster-paced Singapore, I’m an outlier among my friendship group for being vocally resolute about wanting children someday. Our conversations tend to lean more towards solo travel and building careers—children, if any, are to be thought about later.
I often feel anxiously torn between my contrasting spheres. If I know I want children, is it unwise of me to prolong time prioritising work and exploration? On the other hand, the ambitions of my more career-minded peers can leave me feeling precocious for even reflecting on fertility while still in my mid-20s.
Social networks
In truth, birth rates are generally falling across developed nations, including Singapore. Linked to macroeconomic factors including women’s increased education and financial independence rates, I reach out to Dr Annabelle Chow, principal clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, for her perspective.
“Many women are increasingly invested in building a strong sense of self before taking on the identity of ‘mother’ [or] asserting their right to choose whether they want to be mothers at all,” Chow informs me. “Shifting social norms have reduced pressure to conform to traditional narratives of marriage and motherhood, and more women are empowered to explore diverse pathways with greater flexibility and reduced shame or guilt.”
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She points to the empowerment that can be found in, for example, delaying motherhood to focus upon self-exploration and professional momentum, while all women can find benefit in defining themselves independently of societal expectations.
But what of the anxieties that may still arise when considering whether to have children or not, and how others may perceive our choices? “The first step is recognising that these emotions are valid,” Chow clarifies gently. Acknowledging and exploring the source of the distress—for example, whether it is personal desires or societal expectations that are taking precedence—is important, whether on your own or with the help of a mental health professional. “Seeking medical advice can also offer some reassurance for women who feel anxious about biological clocks and the realities of fertility,” she shares.
Facing facts—the reality of our biological clocks
While women may have come a long way in modern society, our biological clocks remain unchanged. Ng Lai Cheng, chief embryologist at Mount Elizabeth Fertility Centre, breaks it down.
“For women, fertility does decline with age and significantly so after the age of 35.” Jarringly, fertility starts to slowly decline from our mid-20s onwards, and Ng recommends a proactive approach if motherhood is a pathway you’re considering.
“Even if you are unsure about having children, your mid- to late 20s are realistically the best time to start planning ahead,” she shares. Upon entering your 30s, consider freezing your eggs or getting more informed about in vitro fertilisation (IVF) if you want to expand your fertility options in the future.
Contingency plans
Recent changes to Singapore’s laws are a step in the right direction for women’s reproductive agency. As of 2023, women aged between 21 and 37 can legally freeze their eggs for non-medical reasons through elective egg freezing (EEF), regardless of their marital status. However, it’s worth noting that IVF can currently only be undergone by women in Singapore who are married.
“Having children and starting a family can be daunting when women are not ready,” shares Dr Liu Shuling, director of KKIVF Centre and the National Sperm Bank. She is also a senior consultant with the Department of Reproductive Medicine at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH). “While it is ideal [biologically] to be pregnant at a younger age, not all women are able to make this decision [early on] and EEF can help to relieve this pressure. As fertility naturally declines with age, freezing eggs when younger can help improve the chances of successful pregnancy through IVF later.”
However, “we need to emphasise that EEF cannot guarantee motherhood. Not all women with frozen eggs will be able to use the eggs successfully in the future,” points out Liu.
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Decisions, decisions
Ultimately, “fertility is personal. While biological factors play an important role, your values, life goals, health, finances and relationships are just as significant,” says Ng.
Though the realities of our biological clocks can seem harsh, being fully informed—early on—will ideally be more empowering than anxiety-inducing. “If you’re uncertain about having children or when the right time might be, consulting a fertility specialist can give you more clarity and options, reducing the likelihood of last-minute decisions,” Ng asserts.
At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong decision—only a culmination of your circumstances and personal desires at a given time.
“Give yourself the chance to consider, without urgency or judgement, what it is you truly want and not just what you think you should want,” says Chow. “Imagine what each path might look like—becoming a mother now, later or not at all—in terms of lifestyle, emotional wellbeing, relationships and financial implications.”
Most importantly, give yourself grace and permission to not have all the answers straight away. “Instead of waiting for complete clarity, it may be more helpful to aim for a sense of grounded confidence. It’s a feeling that no matter the choice you make, it is informed, intentional and truly your own.”
Pre-order your copy of the Vogue Singapore ‘Home’ issue online or pick it up on newsstands from 13 July 2025.
